A few years ago, I stumbled across Instagram and I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I posted without thinking, mixing my feed up with business and family images. I was able to follow women and business I had long time admired, I connected with my peers from a local level and even family.
Over time though, I noticed a shift. I went from checking Instagram once in awhile, to all the time. I noticed my pictures started changing as well. It went from posting images without too much thought to over thinking them constantly. And taking so many images before posting the "perfect" one, with the best filter, of course.
I've also noticed a growing resentment of those that have such a better feed than me.
How is her outfit so perfect? So annoying.
Like she really opens her Bible everyday? Yeah, right.
Yes, that green, unrecognizable shake you are slurping down looks DELICIOUS!
Is it just me or is every photo of her children staged perfectly. GAH.
Crazy, right? I've gone from following those I have admired, to rolling my eyes and feeling like I want to punch them in the face. Yikes, there I said it.
It doesn't feel real anymore. I don't feel real anymore. I feel like a fraud. I feel embarrassed. And it feels incredibly lonely.
I even caught myself closing my eyes, and thinking about the days when there wasn't Instagram, Facebook around. I wondered how I kept in touch with my friends.
Oh, yeah. That's right. I picked up the phone and called them. When did that feel like a lot of work to me???
So today after my impatient toddler yelled at me, "Mooommyyy! Get off your phone!"
I decided maybe it was time.
Nope, not going cold turkey (that may require one of those fancy rehab places) but I am going to ease up on how much I get on.
Maybe it's time to focus less on the image, and just me. No filter, no hashtag, no likes, no followers, no unfollowers. Just me. The boys. My family.
I will let you know how it goes. Not even sure what to expect but I'm thinking it can't be a bad thing, right?
And don't get me wrong. Instagram can be (and is) an amazing vehicle for businesses, but I just haven't figured out the balance it making it work in a way that feels authentic. Is that even possible? Not sure.
Please feel free to share your thoughts on this one, friends.
And because this post is a bit heavy, I'm posting a taken (on the first take, filter-less image).
Me and Preston. He's giving that look because he's used to me taking a million pictures until we get the perfect one.