This blog makes me slightly uncomfortable to write because there are definite moments I think back to my "before life" and shake my head.
Did I really walk out on my career to work from home?
What happens if my husband blames me for leaving a steady job (and paycheck)? I can't let him and my family down...
There are moments in the middle of the night where these questions linger in the back of my head. And I'm here, I'm still here and I'm really trying to make this blog a personal one, an honest one, where I can write down my fears and be okay with it.
I also wonder if there are any other people out there, in the same boat, making those same decisions and being okay with it.
And for those that may not be familiar with my story, I would love to share some insights along with a few key thoughts that went into making that big decision a few years ago.
I hope this helps.
1. I was good at my work, but I didn't love it: For close to ten years, I had been working in program development/fundraising in the non profit sector. I loved what the work was about and the team that I worked with. Somewhere down the road though, late at night, I found my mind wandering...my thoughts would linger on weddings. Funny, right? But when I was little and at the book store, one of my favorite things was just rummaging through wedding magazines. It's amazing when you look back on all of it.
Makes you just realize the awe of it all--how maybe our path has been decided long before we even realized it.
So, are you there right now?
2. Could you do this "new thing" every day? No, really. everyday. When you take the leap to do what you love, you are going rogue. You are doing this on your own with little to no help. Can you do this everyday? Close your eyes. If you feel like this may be something you may get bored with over time, it may a sign that you should give this more thought.
3. Assess the risk: I hear a lot of "feel good" workshops these days and sometimes they make me cringe.
Take the plunge!
Do what makes me happy!!
It's a dangerous slope and those phrases make cringe. It doesn't give respect to how massive making a big career jump is. Assess your risk. What will you be risking when you take the plunge out of your career? Will it be that you may not be able to go out as much? Or are there much bigger items at stake (house payment, bills, kids, etc.). Look at the big big picture. Know what you are getting into before taking the plunge.
One of the biggest moments in my life (of course, besides having kids) was that moment right before I resigned. That moment when I breathed in. I closed my eyes and took it all in. I let the tears fall. I knew what I was letting go. Easier lifestyle, steady income, benefits...but I also knew what I was gaining....more time with my husband, my boys.
I always knew my life would be interesting. Maybe not full of riches, but I knew. I knew it would be an adventure.
I hope this helps and if you are going through any of these same thoughts or have been in this same boat, would love to hear from you!
XO-Natalie
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Today's Musing: Handling Sibling Relationships
Sometime ago I turned to my husband and said,
"I'm not even sure my children like each other."
I have three boys (one stepson who went off college this year). My boys are ages 3, 7 and 8. Each one of my spicy boys have their own unique, personality and I'll be honest, I'll sometimes look at one of those shows (the Duggars or some other multiple family) and think,
"how the h*ll do they do it?"
But we are not the Duggars. We are a bit more crazy.
And after what has felt like a large period where my husband and I were breaking up fights more and more, we finally feel like we can breathe a little. Like I can sit down on the couch with my boys and get through a show without,
I don't want to watch this!
Spencer is bothering me!
Carson kicked me!
Preston won't be quiet! I can't even hear!
It wasn't that I sprinkled magical fairy dust on my kids at night or I prayed away their bad moods, bad attitudes away (although, trust me, I do pray a lot about this), but I've slowly learned to embrace each one of my boys, for who they are, And that my friends, is a lot harder than it seems.
So low and behold, I've finally wrapped my head around life concepts (I really hate using the word "tips"), which are constantly changing, as my boys grow, but by truly living out these concepts, they have truly changed our relationship with our children and have also, in return, allowed my husband and I to connect with each one of our boys, in our own way.
1. Don't let go of the small stuff. I found that I was consistently letting go of the small stuff. A bad word here. A small argument there. Hitting. I would give a quick reprimand and let it go. My reasoning was that they would be able to solve the problem themselves, between each other. But within minutes, the something small would escalate into something much bigger. So now my boys know we have a zero tolerance policy in the areas of hitting, bad words, or other bad behaviors. And it was definitely an adjustment. And it's not easy at first. Especially when it's a quick argument here, or a bad word mumbled under their breath, but when they see that there are consequences even for the smallest things, it does gradually start to shift.
2. We all need our space. There is a block of time--after school--before dinner, where things can get very hairy. The boys are overtired from school, sometimes hungry and dreading homework. I know this is the time the fighting will usually begin. So when my kids come home from school, they get their "me time." It's the time I separate them, put them in different parts of the house. And writing that looks funny, but it isn't that big of deal. Carson likes to play in our front yard, Spencer enjoys winding down to some after school cartoons, and Preston will typically be around me, just playing. I found this 30 minute wind down is really helpful to simply decompress from a full day of school.
3. Each child is different, so should their consequences be. As a parent, I'm sure we can all attest to the idea that each child is different. Gradually I've found that punishing them in the same way just does not work. I can send Spencer to his room and he's miserable yet if I were to do the same thing for Carson, he shrugs his shoulders and "hangs out in his room." Learn what makes your child tick.
4. Find a common denominator. My kids love soccer. It's in their blood. And they love to play not just on the weekends, but everyday. They run around outside, sweat it out and yes, they do still fight out there, but it gets quickly squash. As important as their "me time," is, I also think it's important to find an activity they can all enjoy together. And it doesn't have to a be sport. My kids also enjoy a group bath and snuggling up to a good movie.
Keep it simple.
5. Sometimes it is okay to let go of the small stuff. Putting my kids to bed can be a big pain in the ass. Sorry there is no other way to put it. But then a moment happens. That moment when I get out of bed fuming, ready to bark at the boys, and threaten how many things I'm going to take away from them the next day because I still hear noises.
And then I put my head to the door and I hear it.
No fighting.
Giggling.
Talking silly stuff.
How sneaky.
And then I realize, maybe it is okay. It's okay, to let go of the stuff you know is binding them.
The stuff you know they'll remember when they are older...you can even close your eyes and if you concentrate hard enough, you can hear them say...
"Do you remember when we used to drive Mom and Dad crazy with our late night bed-tents?!!"
Have a good Wednesday friends! And if you have any experiences you would like to share, please...would love to hear them!
"I'm not even sure my children like each other."
I have three boys (one stepson who went off college this year). My boys are ages 3, 7 and 8. Each one of my spicy boys have their own unique, personality and I'll be honest, I'll sometimes look at one of those shows (the Duggars or some other multiple family) and think,
"how the h*ll do they do it?"
But we are not the Duggars. We are a bit more crazy.
And after what has felt like a large period where my husband and I were breaking up fights more and more, we finally feel like we can breathe a little. Like I can sit down on the couch with my boys and get through a show without,
I don't want to watch this!
Spencer is bothering me!
Carson kicked me!
Preston won't be quiet! I can't even hear!
It wasn't that I sprinkled magical fairy dust on my kids at night or I prayed away their bad moods, bad attitudes away (although, trust me, I do pray a lot about this), but I've slowly learned to embrace each one of my boys, for who they are, And that my friends, is a lot harder than it seems.
So low and behold, I've finally wrapped my head around life concepts (I really hate using the word "tips"), which are constantly changing, as my boys grow, but by truly living out these concepts, they have truly changed our relationship with our children and have also, in return, allowed my husband and I to connect with each one of our boys, in our own way.
1. Don't let go of the small stuff. I found that I was consistently letting go of the small stuff. A bad word here. A small argument there. Hitting. I would give a quick reprimand and let it go. My reasoning was that they would be able to solve the problem themselves, between each other. But within minutes, the something small would escalate into something much bigger. So now my boys know we have a zero tolerance policy in the areas of hitting, bad words, or other bad behaviors. And it was definitely an adjustment. And it's not easy at first. Especially when it's a quick argument here, or a bad word mumbled under their breath, but when they see that there are consequences even for the smallest things, it does gradually start to shift.
2. We all need our space. There is a block of time--after school--before dinner, where things can get very hairy. The boys are overtired from school, sometimes hungry and dreading homework. I know this is the time the fighting will usually begin. So when my kids come home from school, they get their "me time." It's the time I separate them, put them in different parts of the house. And writing that looks funny, but it isn't that big of deal. Carson likes to play in our front yard, Spencer enjoys winding down to some after school cartoons, and Preston will typically be around me, just playing. I found this 30 minute wind down is really helpful to simply decompress from a full day of school.
3. Each child is different, so should their consequences be. As a parent, I'm sure we can all attest to the idea that each child is different. Gradually I've found that punishing them in the same way just does not work. I can send Spencer to his room and he's miserable yet if I were to do the same thing for Carson, he shrugs his shoulders and "hangs out in his room." Learn what makes your child tick.
4. Find a common denominator. My kids love soccer. It's in their blood. And they love to play not just on the weekends, but everyday. They run around outside, sweat it out and yes, they do still fight out there, but it gets quickly squash. As important as their "me time," is, I also think it's important to find an activity they can all enjoy together. And it doesn't have to a be sport. My kids also enjoy a group bath and snuggling up to a good movie.
Keep it simple.
5. Sometimes it is okay to let go of the small stuff. Putting my kids to bed can be a big pain in the ass. Sorry there is no other way to put it. But then a moment happens. That moment when I get out of bed fuming, ready to bark at the boys, and threaten how many things I'm going to take away from them the next day because I still hear noises.
And then I put my head to the door and I hear it.
No fighting.
Giggling.
Talking silly stuff.
How sneaky.
And then I realize, maybe it is okay. It's okay, to let go of the stuff you know is binding them.
The stuff you know they'll remember when they are older...you can even close your eyes and if you concentrate hard enough, you can hear them say...
"Do you remember when we used to drive Mom and Dad crazy with our late night bed-tents?!!"
Have a good Wednesday friends! And if you have any experiences you would like to share, please...would love to hear them!
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Today's Musing: Great Books for Kids
Growing up reading books was my haven, the secret place where I could enter another world and I loved every moment of it. I vividly remember my mom giving me a hard time when she would check up on me late at night and found me secretly reading under the covers.
I don't say it enough but I have my mom to thank for my love of reading, and of books. From an early age, I can still close my eyes and find myself and the many libraries we used to spend hours at. And she never said "no" when I had a big stack of books ready to check out. She would just smile (along with her stack of People magazines) and together, we would wander off into our little worlds.
So now that I'm doing the mom-thing, books are equally as important to me. And that has been a different experience. I don't remember groaning or rolling my eyes when I mentioned hanging out at Barnes N Noble, or complaining when it was time for our nightly reading time...so...yes...it's different. I'm not giving up, though. And since I'm determined to make this whole book-lovin' thing happen, I thought I would share some of my favorites and a few tips I've learned along the way.
And please, if you have any books you would like to suggest I add to our growing selection, I welcome you to share in the comments section!
Spencer (age 8): Spencer is a very unique soul. And I'll be sure to share with you the ins and outs of this spicy kid some other way too long post. But in the meantime, below are a selection of his favorite reads. He's in second grade and for him reading is one of those things that he loves when he's found a gem of a book but if he's not feeling it, it's like pulling teeth. Knowing that, though, I choose to pick my battles.
Carson (age 6): Carson is my loving middle child and he's just at the point when things are finally starting to click. Reading for each child comes at different times and it's been really great to see his eyes open and his comfort level ease up a bit.
And my two favorite picks (for today):
And a few tips I've learned along the book-reading way:
1. Every child is different: How many times have you heard that? But with reading, it is. Every child, every level. And I'm a big advocate in embracing where they are at and finding what works for them. My oldest recently finished a book that was perhaps a bit too challenging for him. It frustrated him, he complained along the way but he finished it. Was I happy for him? Of course. But I then went and found a book that better suited where he was at, and he was happy. Lesson learned.
2. Reading at Night: Every night we dedicate some time to reading. I like to keep it to 20-30 minutes at the most. And I'm going to be really honest here. Not that long ago, there would be a whole lot of complaining until I thought, "If I'm making my kids read, shouldn't they see me reading as well?" So at night, we turn of the television, no phones, and we sit down on the couch and all read. My husband will take my little one in the room if he's too distracting but sometimes he even sits down with us and looks at pictures. This really changed everything AND big bonus for me...now I get to read more! And my kids hardly complain as much because they see that I'm reading as well.
3. Give them a break: Yes, having them read is important, but just as important is that they get to listen and hear your voice. To relax a little bit and close their eyes. So after they read, I'll usually pick a classic picture book (nothing too intense) and they get their blankets and I read to them. They LOVE this time. And it's also fun for me to pick a book I think they'll enjoy.
So on that note, I'm still learning and would love to hear any tips or book picks! Down the road I'll share a few of my own favorite reads and get into how we organize our growing book collection!
I don't say it enough but I have my mom to thank for my love of reading, and of books. From an early age, I can still close my eyes and find myself and the many libraries we used to spend hours at. And she never said "no" when I had a big stack of books ready to check out. She would just smile (along with her stack of People magazines) and together, we would wander off into our little worlds.
So now that I'm doing the mom-thing, books are equally as important to me. And that has been a different experience. I don't remember groaning or rolling my eyes when I mentioned hanging out at Barnes N Noble, or complaining when it was time for our nightly reading time...so...yes...it's different. I'm not giving up, though. And since I'm determined to make this whole book-lovin' thing happen, I thought I would share some of my favorites and a few tips I've learned along the way.
And please, if you have any books you would like to suggest I add to our growing selection, I welcome you to share in the comments section!
Spencer (age 8): Spencer is a very unique soul. And I'll be sure to share with you the ins and outs of this spicy kid some other way too long post. But in the meantime, below are a selection of his favorite reads. He's in second grade and for him reading is one of those things that he loves when he's found a gem of a book but if he's not feeling it, it's like pulling teeth. Knowing that, though, I choose to pick my battles.
Carson (age 6): Carson is my loving middle child and he's just at the point when things are finally starting to click. Reading for each child comes at different times and it's been really great to see his eyes open and his comfort level ease up a bit.
And my two favorite picks (for today):
And a few tips I've learned along the book-reading way:
1. Every child is different: How many times have you heard that? But with reading, it is. Every child, every level. And I'm a big advocate in embracing where they are at and finding what works for them. My oldest recently finished a book that was perhaps a bit too challenging for him. It frustrated him, he complained along the way but he finished it. Was I happy for him? Of course. But I then went and found a book that better suited where he was at, and he was happy. Lesson learned.
2. Reading at Night: Every night we dedicate some time to reading. I like to keep it to 20-30 minutes at the most. And I'm going to be really honest here. Not that long ago, there would be a whole lot of complaining until I thought, "If I'm making my kids read, shouldn't they see me reading as well?" So at night, we turn of the television, no phones, and we sit down on the couch and all read. My husband will take my little one in the room if he's too distracting but sometimes he even sits down with us and looks at pictures. This really changed everything AND big bonus for me...now I get to read more! And my kids hardly complain as much because they see that I'm reading as well.
3. Give them a break: Yes, having them read is important, but just as important is that they get to listen and hear your voice. To relax a little bit and close their eyes. So after they read, I'll usually pick a classic picture book (nothing too intense) and they get their blankets and I read to them. They LOVE this time. And it's also fun for me to pick a book I think they'll enjoy.
So on that note, I'm still learning and would love to hear any tips or book picks! Down the road I'll share a few of my own favorite reads and get into how we organize our growing book collection!
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