Today's Musing: Handling Sibling Relationships

Sometime ago I turned to my husband and said,

"I'm not even sure my children like each other."

I have three boys (one stepson who went off college this year). My boys are ages 3, 7 and 8. Each one of my spicy boys have their own unique, personality and I'll be honest, I'll sometimes look at one of those shows (the Duggars or some other multiple family) and think,

"how the h*ll do they do it?"

But we are not the Duggars. We are a bit more crazy.

And after what has felt like a large period where my husband and I were breaking up fights more and more, we finally feel like we can breathe a little. Like I can sit down on the couch with my boys and get through a show without,

I don't want to watch this!

Spencer is bothering me!

Carson kicked me!

Preston won't be quiet! I can't even hear!

It wasn't that I sprinkled magical fairy dust on my kids at night or I prayed away their bad moods, bad attitudes away (although, trust me, I do pray a lot about this), but I've slowly learned to embrace each one of my boys, for who they are, And that my friends, is a lot harder than it seems.

So low and behold, I've finally wrapped my head around life concepts (I really hate using the word "tips"), which are constantly changing, as my boys grow, but by truly living out these concepts, they have truly changed our relationship with our children and have also, in return, allowed my husband and I to connect with each one of our boys, in our own way.

1. Don't let go of the small stuff. I found that I was consistently letting go of the small stuff. A bad word here. A small argument there. Hitting. I would give a quick reprimand and let it go. My reasoning was that they would be able to solve the problem themselves, between each other. But within minutes, the something small would escalate into something much bigger. So now my boys know we have a zero tolerance policy in the areas of hitting, bad words, or other bad behaviors. And it was definitely an adjustment. And it's not easy at first. Especially when it's a quick argument here, or a bad word mumbled under their breath, but when they see that there are consequences even for the smallest things, it does gradually start to shift.

2.  We all need our space. There is a block of time--after school--before dinner, where things can get very hairy. The boys are overtired from school, sometimes hungry and dreading homework. I know this is the time the fighting will usually begin. So when my kids come home from school, they get their "me time." It's the time I separate them, put them in different parts of the house. And writing that looks funny, but it isn't that big of deal. Carson likes to play in our front yard, Spencer enjoys winding down to some after school cartoons, and Preston will typically be around me, just playing. I found this 30 minute wind down is really helpful to simply decompress from a full day of school.

3. Each child is different, so should their consequences be. As a parent, I'm sure we can all attest to the idea that each child is different. Gradually I've found that punishing them in the same way just does not work. I can send Spencer to his room and he's miserable yet if I were to do the same thing for Carson, he shrugs his shoulders and "hangs out in his room." Learn what makes your child tick.

4. Find a common denominator. My kids love soccer. It's in their blood. And they love to play not just on the weekends, but everyday. They run around outside, sweat it out and yes, they do still fight out there, but it gets quickly squash. As important as their "me time," is, I also think it's important to find an activity they can all enjoy together. And it doesn't have to a be sport. My kids also enjoy a group bath and snuggling up to a good movie.

Keep it simple.

5. Sometimes it is okay to let go of the small stuff. Putting my kids to bed can be a big pain in the ass. Sorry there is no other way to put it. But then a moment happens. That moment when I get out of bed fuming, ready to bark at the boys, and threaten how many things I'm going to take away from them the next day because I still hear noises.

And then I put my head to the door and I hear it.

No fighting. 

Giggling. 

Talking silly stuff. 

How sneaky. 

And then I realize, maybe it is okay. It's okay, to let go of the stuff you know is binding them.

The stuff you know they'll remember when they are older...you can even close your eyes and if you concentrate hard enough, you can hear them say...

"Do you remember when we used to drive Mom and Dad crazy with our late night bed-tents?!!"

 Have a good Wednesday friends! And if you have any experiences you would like to share, please...would love to hear them!

Today's Musing: Monday Morning Business Corner

Happy Monday everyone! Hope all of you had a great weekend! My weekend was a bit crazy, prepping for a Daytime Morning show segment, covering Springtime celebrations. It's amazing the amount of prep that goes into doing a five minute segment! But to be honest, it's one the moments that I'm the happiest. Oddly enough, being on television feels very comfortable to me--I would do it more if I can. 

Me. In my happy place. Thanks to Daytime Morning Show (NBC). 

But not to get off topic, I was going through some old blog posts (like back in the day, when I started my work) and I stumbled across a blog most I did covering "Marketing." It makes me smile to look at my thoughts back then and where my mindset was. 

Today, I'm reposting the post along with a few updated thoughts I have regarding start ups and putting your heart out there. 

If you have any other tips, please feel free to share in the comments section! Would love to hear from you! 

Research...Research....Research (FREE): This is a big, okay huge, one for me. I knew from the moment I decided to become a business owner, that I wasn't going to rush the process. As much as I wanted "the now," I was going to take my time. This led me to the big question, of "how the heck do I get myself out there?" I spent hours scouring different businesses in the industry: florists, photographers, planners, wedding blogs, event designers, venues, etc. High-end, low-end, I wanted to soak it all in. I made a spreadsheet with every site I had been to, along with all of their contact information. I also got in touch with NACE, a great organization (along with a few others) that seemed to cater to the businesses I had been researching.

2. Your Visual Brand ($50+): I did spend some time on this, even it wasn't pretty at first. And if you can invest in this step, I say go for it.I purchased my domain through Go Daddy and got going through Fat Cow, and had a friend help me with a template (my current site) which had basic functionality, to upload my content and my photos. I designed my current logo using Microsoft Publisher and clip art (if you can believe that). Using my logo, I also created my business cards ($50.00 to $250.00). In the beginning, yes it can be hard, but I told myself that it was more important to get out there and when I could elevate and afford the look of my product, I would. 

3. The Big Plunge, Making Contact ($150.00 to $200.00): I knew off the bat that whatever came out of my hands had to beautiful. At this point, I had done less than a handful of dessert tables with some "okay" pictures but I had to make it work. I went to Staples and got white, glossy laminated folders, clear labels and photo paper. On one side of the folder, I made a personalized letter (not dear Vendor, Dear XX Events) and on the other side, I did a one page collage of the work, along with a mini-bag of jelly beans. I took my Excel spreadsheet of contacts and just went at it. Was this time consuming? Yes! Halfway through, did I want to give up? Um, yes, but then I figured if I stopped then I probably wasn't built to be a business owner in the first place. 

4. Follow Up, Follow Up, Follow Up (FREE): Two weeks after my mailers went out, I went back to my list and followed up with EVERY one of my conatcts via email. And it just wasn't any email. Every email was extremely personalized. After my "research phase" I would regularly visit my contacts websites so it was easy for me to say "Hello Amanda, my name is Natalie from Chic Sweets. Hopefully by now you've recieved a packet of information. Can I just say, that I love your latest blog entry from the wedding you did at XXX. Fantastic!....." Or something along those lines. And you know what? I was getting responses back! Once they responded, I went onto the next (scary) step which was scheduling meetings. 

5. Face to Face Follow Ups ($20 to $25): Again, kind of nervewracking if you've done anything like this before, but as I mentioned before, I was determined to make things happen. Although there were a few that did not have the time to meet, for the most part I was able to catch up with quite a few. Before I went into each meeting, I always had a plan/agenda in mind:

• Introduce YOU: Be honest. Be yourself. Be Authentic. I made a point from the very beginning to put it out there. I was new; still working full time; still trying to make connections; still working on my (weak) portfolio. And you know what? As humbling as it was to be so honest, there wasn't a vendor I spoke with that couldn't relate at some level, which in return always made for good conversation and more importantly, great advice and further connections. 
• Get to know the VENDOR: Not everything can be about you, right? Just like a job interview, I went into each meeting, knowing as much as I could about that vendor. Visited their website, their blog, facebook page, other vendors they had worked with in the past. At times if I felt nervous or that there was a lull in the conversation, I would go back to what I knew about the vendor and take it from there.
• Marketing Materials: Although I was working full time, I didn't want to spend a fortune on creating materials for each visit, so I kept it somewhat simple. Since I'm a "sweets girl" I created a small favor package full of sweets, with not my logo but THEIR  logo on the package. I just assumed that I was one of many "newbies" reaching out to these industry vendors on a weekly basis, so why not give them something that was personlized for them? Great response from this AND many times the vendor would go back (after our meeting) take a picture of what I had created for them and post it on facebook or twitter....with something along the lines of "chic sweets visited us today! Yummy sweets" Again, just another small tool that created a buzz.

6. Get Honest with Yourself. Passion Does Matter: This is a tough one. It's important that you get down into the personal reasons of why you want to start your business. Sometimes it's a culmination of reasons, but in those pots of reasons there needs to be an underlying passion and love for your work. You'll find that passion will slow down, grow, slow down again, but's always there, that craving to always do what you love. At the end of each year, I take time off to let off steam, write thoughts down, see where I am in with my business. 

Are we growing? What worked this year? Where did I fail? What lessons have I learned? What didn't I enjoy doing? Am I happy? 

As business owners, those questions may sometimes be painful to answer but it's so important to always face it. 

I hope these few tips are helpful and hopefully I can continue to touch base on different areas more frequently! And please if you have any questions or thoughts, feel free to share. Would love to hear from different business owners and their approaches! 

Have a great week friends!