Today's Musing: Handling Sibling Relationships

Sometime ago I turned to my husband and said,

"I'm not even sure my children like each other."

I have three boys (one stepson who went off college this year). My boys are ages 3, 7 and 8. Each one of my spicy boys have their own unique, personality and I'll be honest, I'll sometimes look at one of those shows (the Duggars or some other multiple family) and think,

"how the h*ll do they do it?"

But we are not the Duggars. We are a bit more crazy.

And after what has felt like a large period where my husband and I were breaking up fights more and more, we finally feel like we can breathe a little. Like I can sit down on the couch with my boys and get through a show without,

I don't want to watch this!

Spencer is bothering me!

Carson kicked me!

Preston won't be quiet! I can't even hear!

It wasn't that I sprinkled magical fairy dust on my kids at night or I prayed away their bad moods, bad attitudes away (although, trust me, I do pray a lot about this), but I've slowly learned to embrace each one of my boys, for who they are, And that my friends, is a lot harder than it seems.

So low and behold, I've finally wrapped my head around life concepts (I really hate using the word "tips"), which are constantly changing, as my boys grow, but by truly living out these concepts, they have truly changed our relationship with our children and have also, in return, allowed my husband and I to connect with each one of our boys, in our own way.

1. Don't let go of the small stuff. I found that I was consistently letting go of the small stuff. A bad word here. A small argument there. Hitting. I would give a quick reprimand and let it go. My reasoning was that they would be able to solve the problem themselves, between each other. But within minutes, the something small would escalate into something much bigger. So now my boys know we have a zero tolerance policy in the areas of hitting, bad words, or other bad behaviors. And it was definitely an adjustment. And it's not easy at first. Especially when it's a quick argument here, or a bad word mumbled under their breath, but when they see that there are consequences even for the smallest things, it does gradually start to shift.

2.  We all need our space. There is a block of time--after school--before dinner, where things can get very hairy. The boys are overtired from school, sometimes hungry and dreading homework. I know this is the time the fighting will usually begin. So when my kids come home from school, they get their "me time." It's the time I separate them, put them in different parts of the house. And writing that looks funny, but it isn't that big of deal. Carson likes to play in our front yard, Spencer enjoys winding down to some after school cartoons, and Preston will typically be around me, just playing. I found this 30 minute wind down is really helpful to simply decompress from a full day of school.

3. Each child is different, so should their consequences be. As a parent, I'm sure we can all attest to the idea that each child is different. Gradually I've found that punishing them in the same way just does not work. I can send Spencer to his room and he's miserable yet if I were to do the same thing for Carson, he shrugs his shoulders and "hangs out in his room." Learn what makes your child tick.

4. Find a common denominator. My kids love soccer. It's in their blood. And they love to play not just on the weekends, but everyday. They run around outside, sweat it out and yes, they do still fight out there, but it gets quickly squash. As important as their "me time," is, I also think it's important to find an activity they can all enjoy together. And it doesn't have to a be sport. My kids also enjoy a group bath and snuggling up to a good movie.

Keep it simple.

5. Sometimes it is okay to let go of the small stuff. Putting my kids to bed can be a big pain in the ass. Sorry there is no other way to put it. But then a moment happens. That moment when I get out of bed fuming, ready to bark at the boys, and threaten how many things I'm going to take away from them the next day because I still hear noises.

And then I put my head to the door and I hear it.

No fighting. 

Giggling. 

Talking silly stuff. 

How sneaky. 

And then I realize, maybe it is okay. It's okay, to let go of the stuff you know is binding them.

The stuff you know they'll remember when they are older...you can even close your eyes and if you concentrate hard enough, you can hear them say...

"Do you remember when we used to drive Mom and Dad crazy with our late night bed-tents?!!"

 Have a good Wednesday friends! And if you have any experiences you would like to share, please...would love to hear them!

Today's Musing: Monday Morning Business Corner (Business Burnout)

Good afternoon everyone! Hope all of you had a great weekend! I guess today's post isn't really a "Monday Morning Business Corner," more like a an evening edition...but I guess that will have to work for today. It is Monday, after all.

So today I wanted to touch base on an area I sometimes struggle with, or at least always have to make a conscience effort to work on, which is keeping the passion, or momentum and avoiding the burnout.

I can always say, "I love what I do, and I never feel like I have to work a day in my life," but really, that would not be true. As business owners, it's only natural, over time to have those feelings go up and down at certain times.

So what does burnout feel like? Well, for me, it's just feeling unusually tired working on projects that would usually get me excited, happy. Working on design mock ups, reaching out to potential clients, networking. I found myself having to work up the energy to complete even the simplest of projects.

And it scared me.

I can't be feeling like this!! I LOVE to keep busy. I LOVE my work.

I took a deep breath at some point and decided I needed to mix things up a bit and make some adjustments in my life. I hate to call these tips, as much as useful things I've learned along the way...

1. Timing your Burnout: When do the feelings seem to creep up? Is there a certain time of year? For me, I find, those feelings creep up when during the slower/off season. Instead of maximizing on the extra, down time, I find myself missing the "busy."

Now that I'm aware of this, I take the slower season in much better stride and come up with definite, monthly goals (directly related to work) that I have to tackle.

I aim to create goals that I wasn't able to accomplish during the busier times (i.e. update project deadlines, cleaning up my inventory, reconnecting with network partners, creating updated blog content, reaching out to potential clients, etc.).

I even make it a point to work on something that is on my "career wish list." This is a big one, but I truly, love being on television and giving viewers great entertaining ideas. Is it crazy to think I can make a career out of it? Sure, maybe. But who cares? I'm working at it and again, it's something to work on during my slower times.

2. Rest: I know. Rest. 

Business owners can't rest. What are you thinking?

But it's true. During the times I felt the most burned out, I realized that lacking rest was a huge component in all of this. And that can be anything--tackling home projects you've had on the back burner for months, spending time with friends, catching up on all those books you've been meaning to read but haven't, going on a vacation....

Today, my hair stylist asked me, "So what do you have planned the rest of the day?"
Me: "Um...really...I don't have any plans the rest of the day."

For somebody that works that works crazy hours during the busy time, that feels very awkward to say, but I truly believe that we are way too programmed to not listen to what our body, our spirit is telling us at times.

So those are my few lessons learned!

Would love to hear about what you do when you find yourself in a work-funk.

Me. After haircut. See--don't I look well rested, now? ;)